If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t be…….!!!

If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t be …….! This phrase used to stir a lot of negative emotions within me. I’m honestly glad, I used past tense. Normally negative emotions are a result of fear of the unknown or fear of action of others.

For me, the negative emotions were as a result of both. I feared taking great moves or doing things I loved because I thought my success would cause me torment forever. Torment from the phrase “If it wasn’t for me………blah blah.” I always imagined that if any misunderstanding arose, I would be looked at as a proud person and hence reminded where I came from. Now, being reminded where I was from wasn’t the issue here. In fact, I love and would love to be reminded where I’m from because it gives me great joy to see how much I have achieved.   

Anyway, during any misunderstandings, the reminder always came with the phrase “if it wasn’t for me….and I’m not going to lie, I got sick of hearing the phrase and so I thought, how do I stop this from happening? I stopped getting involved in different activities. That meant I wouldn’t have any success to be threatened with.  If at all I had any success at something, I avoided sharing my “wins”. I found peace in doing this and I was relatively happier.

How long though was this going to last! Was I to live a mediocre life forever or was I to become more understanding and know that as humans we normally do things for people and want them to become indebted to us? Anyway, that’s our problem and I’m not excluding myself from this. Most times when we do something for someone, we then feel like we have to control them but how selfish! I, sometimes have suffered with that but I have come to know that it is God who provides for all. We read in Matthew 5:45 “For He makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.” This should honestly humble us. We should be grateful that God has used us as mediums to bless others. Reading Matthew 5:45 in context shows us that we will be considered children of God if we exhibit His characteristics.

The change came when I deeply understood that Our father, God is the one who provides for us all. Jehovah Jireh, my provider! This changed the game for me. I further learnt that “His blessing makes rich and He adds no sorrow to it.” – Proverbs 10:22. I found peace in that and ever since, my life has been drastically changed. The Lord has increased my knowledge and I have been able to achieve way more than I thought I would. My confidence alone sometimes shocks me. Oh, what wouldn’t the Lord do for His children! With this, I have grown spiritually and continue to grow. God has provided friends along the way that have supported me so much. To these I always pray God will fill their cups with His love. I am forever grateful.

I will end with a word of encouragement, if you’re going through a tough time, you could be hearing these words from your parents, guardians, carers or even friends. Firstly, check your heart and behaviour. Is it what is triggering their actions? If so, ask God to change your behaviour and theirs too. Trust that He will do that. Now what if their behaviour is not changing, this was the case for me. I actually focused on the other party’s behaviour and not on mine, haha shame on me. This often put me down though. I asked God, how come I pray and nothing is changing but listen, the Lord came through. I understood that He was my provider and that was enough. I learnt that if a blessing was meant for me, it was meant for me. My focus then shifted to God. The one whose blessings come with no sorrow added to them. And no, I’m no longer scared of that phrase. I only evaluate the situation, If I haven’t been grateful, then it’s for me to express gratitude to whoever it may be, parent or friend. Let’s not get easily defensive in such situations but know that God will be our peace and He actually cares about our lives in detail so we shouldn’t be afraid to let Him know how we feel.

Lastly, “6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7

I ordered Klonopin from https://www.sleepprointernational.com/products/klonopin/ for panic attacks. It’s the best thing I’ve ever tried. I was getting out of breath when walking fast, and my heart was racing. Eventually, I got off them early on my own. I just stopped taking them. There was no addiction at all. The effect on panic attacks.

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April 1, 2021

Such a beautiful read!! 🤩



April 1, 2021

Thank you hun❤